Dil Quotes

Season One Quotes

Dil: I'm an expert. We're gonna take down Z. Unless his big bad self takes us down first.

Angelica: What are you doing? Dead people don't get up and walk around!
Dil: They do when the have to pee.

Pangborn: This past week I noticed you eating exclusively green foods, hopping to class on one foot, and wearing your clothes inside out. What does that tell you, son?
Dil: That you got a lot of free time on your hands?

Dil: Ouch, that was wicked harsh.

Dil: I'll conclude with this one crunchy nugget: an artist's gotta do what an artist's gotta do.
Tommy: And what's that?
Dil: I don't know, that's all I got.

Dil: I'm gonna miss our little sessions, but I'll stop by now and again to check up on you.
Pangborn: Please don't.
Dil: I was just being polite!

Dil: Some people call them chores. I call it PR.

Tommy: I saw the bike.
Dil: Is this some kind of secret code? OK, I ate the banana.

Dil: So busted. Tommy, now's the part where you're supposed to look guilty and beg me not to tell Mom. (Tommy doesn't respond.) What's wrong with you? (Sees Tommy's vacent expression.) I recongize that zombie-like stare. Your mind has been taken over by aliens! Oh this is so unfair! Why does all the cool stuff always happen to you? And here I am practically begging for alien contact!

Dil: I had a dream like this once. Only, I was in my underwear.

Dil: Funny, I prefer fresh socks.

Dil: It was amazing! We ordered in, they love their pizza. They eat it fourteen kleptors a day.

Dil: Nothing says ‘I want you at my party’ better than a big footprint.

Dil: Three words, T: Lars. Christian. Anderson.
Tommy: Who's that?
Dil: Exactly.

Dil: Absolutely not! They respond to more of a whistle thing. But stick with me and over the years I can teach these and other seemingly difficult feats to you my new compadres, amigos, buds. So, my new brothas, what say we cartwheel to class in formation? No, what was I thinking, that's weird. We'll spin!

Season Two Quotes

Dil: Whoa... I hoped to get Earth's Ambassador to Alpha Centauri, but no, I get something weird--motivational speaker!

Dil: I just motivated a withering rose to bloom, yeah! It took a few hours, and some sunlight, and some water, but I did it!

Dil: Why am I talking to withering plants when before me sits a living, breathing, withering brother?

Dil: Be an individual! Break free from the crowd!

Dil: You don't need a queen! Revolt! Viva la democracy!

Dil: The BLECies represent the man, Big Brother, penguin mind control! The last one's just a theory.

Dil: I'm down with that, Safety Boy. I put the imaginary friend thing to bed when I was like, eight. Izzy's my imaginary alien friend.

Dil: I knew I'd have to let him go one day. How else is he going to learn to stand on his own two imaginary feet?

Dil: Sure, he has tons of peeps, but I'm the only mother Izzy has ever known.

Season Three Quotes

Dil: I think we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe grandpas are like chickens, and some prefer the comfort and security of the hen house, while others are born to roam the free range.

Tommy: It's your fault this happened.
Dil: How is it my fault? You listened to a guy wearing a bathing suit and a ski cap! How smart was that?
Tommy: You...! You used your hocus-pocus mind-control junk on me! You know exactly what I'm talking about!
Dil: I did not do that! Besides, everyone knows it doesn't work around water.

Dil: Now, that was mind control.
Tommy: Hmm. I thought it didn't work around water.
Dil: Oh, it does. What? I can't tell you everything.

Dil: Did you just say something? 'Cause her voice is still ringing in my cranium.

Dil: At last, my opportunity has arrived to open an aquatic park and raise homeless dolphins!
Tommy: Dolphins don't have homes, Dil.
Dil: You see the need?

Dil stares at a bag of popcorn: I'm trying to see if I can pop it through mind control.
Lil: Give me that! Mind control, puh-lease!
Dil: I got you to make it, didn't I?

Tommy: You also believe aliens live in your mashed potatoes.
Dil: Only the instant kind!

Dil: You can't fix problem skin with karma. Have you tried astringent?

Dil: That's the fuzzy feeling you get when you do something good. Or when you clean out your ear with a cheese doodle!

Dil: That makes sense in a twisted kinda Martian logic way. Now can you explain light years to me?

Dil: And she thinks I'm two eggs short of a frittata!